


are we all lost in this universe?

by thegirlwiththeplaidshirt



Category: Brooklyn Nine Nine, Friends
Genre: Friendship, Love, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 20:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17752769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwiththeplaidshirt/pseuds/thegirlwiththeplaidshirt
Summary: [rosa diaz has a secret. we all know how mysterious our girl can be. but she made a huge boo boo yesterday and texted something she shouldn’t have on the 99’s text chain. let’s flashback to what happened, shall we?]





	1. Rosa Diaz: The Amazing Mystery Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [rosa diaz has a secret. we all know how mysterious our girl can be. but she made a huge boo boo yesterday and texted something she shouldn’t have on the 99’s text chain. let’s flashback to what happened, shall we?]

[yesterday 7:31pm, rosa diaz’s phone.  
she was talking to her new girlfriend, simultaneously getting messages from the 99.  
somehow or rather, she texted an emoji she meant to send for her girlfriend on the 99 group.]  
[99 group after the mistaken text:  
jake: what??  
amy: huh?  
rosa: yeah fine. it was a typo.]  
___  
[next day, rosa enters the 99 and charles is already there. he goes up to her and grins at her with mischievousness in his eyes.]  
rosa: what do you want, charles?  
charles: the name of the person you’re dating.  
rosa: (flushed)what? what’re you talking about?  
charles: come on, rosa. now you’re just lying to my face.  
rosa: ok, yes, i am. but i don’t care.  
(rosa leaves)  
charles (to himself): at least got the truth, now just gotta have the whole story.  
(rosa comes back to his desk)  
rosa: WHY THE HELL DOES MY DESK SMELL LIKE A MILLION FLOWERS? AND MY FILING CABINET IS ALL FIXED UP. why?!  
charles: because i know flowers make you blush if you have a story, which now i’ve got confirmed and the files wasn’t me.  
amy: oh,that was me. you just left yesterday and it was such a mess, i couldn’t leave it that way.  
rosa: oh.  
(softly to charles) this still doesn’t change anything. i’m not gonna tell you anything.  
charles: alright.  
[the entire day charles did nothing to make rosa tell him her story.]  
[in the evening, when she was sitting at home, rosa’s phone rang.]  
(gets text)  
charles: wanna meet for a drink?  
rosa: what’s the occasion?  
charles: just as a sorry for today.  
rosa: k.  
(she reached Shaw’s in 10 mins)  
rosa: hey charles. what’s up with you? are you okay?  
charles: yeah. why?  
rosa: i’ve never seen you apologize to anyone for “being too nosy”.  
charles: well, i’m trying to change.  
(hands her a drink)  
here. i drink to our friendship.  
rosa: and to keeping secrets from friends.  
(they clinck and drink)  
[as time goes by, they keep cleaning out more and more drinks]  
(slurring while they talk)  
charles: (covering his hands) guess who i am?  
rosa: (not in her normal coarse voice, stephanie beatriz’s voice) ugh, i don’t know.  
charles: it’s me. charles.  
rosa: oh yeah. ok. charles. i’m gonna tell you something. but you have to promise not to tell anything to charles.  
charles: ok, done. i would never.  
rosa: i am seeing someone. her name is phoebe buffay. she’s so beautiful and in fact, you know what, i’m gonna make you meet her. (passes out)  
charles:(softly to him) thank god i recorded that. now let’s see how miss i-never-go-back-on-my-word gets out of this tomorrow.  
(takes her home and puts her to sleep)


	2. Friends with Nine Nine-ers?

[charles cannot wait to show rosa the video he recorded of her saying that she is gonna make him meet her girlfriend. he reaches the 99 and she’s not there yet. he is anxiously waiting for her to show up at work. in a few minutes, she shows up and sits at her desk. even before he could approach her, rosa walks up to charles’ desk.]  
rosa: charles.  
charles: oh hey, rosa. what’s up?  
rosa: i needed to tell you that tomorrow at noon we are meeting my girlfriend. ok bye.  
charles: (stops her) woah, woah, woah. howww? whyy??? is this because you remember that i recorded you saying you’re gonna make me meet her?  
rosa: (almost yells) you did wha- you know what, yes.  
charles: you’re lying. that’s not the reason.  
rosa: ok, it’s not. so don’t you wanna come?  
charles: of course i do.  
rosa: so take it or leave it.  
charles: (disappointed that he doesn’t know why) i’ll take it.  
[rosa calls everyone to the briefing room and tells all of them to meet her at Central Perk at noon, the next day.]  
[the next day, all of them meet outside Centrel Perk.]  
rosa: ok, so don’t be weird.  
(they all go in. they see the orange couch is occupied by three people and three of the others were sitting on chairs around.)  
jake: who is your girlfriend from all these people?  
(rosa goes to phoebe sitting on one of the chairs)  
rosa: everyone, this is phoebe.  
phoebe (to her gang): everyone, this is rosa. and this is chandler, monica, joey, rachel and yeah, ross.  
rosa: (looks at her gang) go on. introduce yourselves.  
(everyone on the 99 introduces themselves)  
(they all get coffee)  
charles(to rosa): (giddy happiness) no wonder you wanted us to meet your new bae!!! because she wanted to make you meet her friends.  
rosa: ok first,don’t call her bae. and yeah ok fine, last night she told me she wanted to make her friends meet me and i didn’t wanna say no to her and i thought it’ll be a little less awkward if my friends were there too.   
charles: uh-ah. family.  
rosa: (smiles) ok so be normal ok.  
charles: i got it.  
(they all sit on the couch, silently. Phoebe gets her coffee and sits next to Rosa. They hold hands, casually, while sipping coffee.)  
(chandler can’t stand the silence so he cracks a lame joke that only makes jake laugh.)  
monica: i apologize for him. but not so much because you don’t have to live with that.  
amy: (clears her throat) i beg to differ. (points to jake) we’re married! (shows her ring, kinda proud)  
phoebe: oh yeah. so both your fathers abandoned you(points to jake and chandler) and mon, amy also has more than five useless binders with those stupid cascading, strong tabs with specific fonts for each section.  
(angelic music plays where they all get connected)  
amy: (to monica) you do? (gets teary eyed)  
Monica: uh yeah(with ultimate swag). you’re looking at the National Champion of Binder Making 2010.  
Amy: (gets competitive)oh yeah. well, i have a button maker with mirror backs on it.  
Monica: oh my god! (hugs her)  
Phoebe: these dorks will never get over this.  
Rosa: (to charles) isn’t she great?  
Charles: (smiles)  
chandler: so hey man, how did you take it when your dad left?  
jake: oh. just the usual, denied the hell out of it.  
chandler: wow yeah, me too. i don’t even celebrate thanksgiving because my dad told me he’s leaving on thanksgiving.  
jake: OH MY GOD! i hate thanksgiving too because i was always left alone at home while my mom went to work. not anymore, though. now i have thanksgiving with my real dad(points to holt) and his husband.  
chandler: yeah, mon has patched things up between me and my dad so we meet yearly on thanksgiving too.  
(looks at jake)  
they said they would go find my brother, but i guess i did it myself.  
jake: what?  
chandler: water under the bridge.  
(jake and chandler look at each other and hug real tight)  
joey: (looks at chan hugging someone else like he hugs him gets insecure) oh yeah yeah for sure. i hate thanksgiving too. i never celebrate it.  
chandler: you ate almost an entire turkey your self the last time.  
joey: ugh fine.  
(charles overheard this)  
charles (to joey): is that really true?  
joey: well, yeah.  
charles: do you mind if i interview for my food blog?  
terry: why haven’t you ever interviewed me?  
charles: terry, eating 6 packs of yogurt is not a record.  
joey: (points to terry) i like this guy.  
terry: (laughs) thanks, man.  
joey: WHAT? there’s something called a food blog? (super happy) sure, pal.  
charles: (takes out his notepad)  
first question: how did it feel like to treat food so recklessly that you just shoved down an entire turkey in one sitting?  
joey: (happy changes into neutral face) almost an entire turkey.  
[the entire time charles kept being condescending of the fact that joey should know the ethnicity of the food he was eating]  
joey (to phoebe): who the hell is this guy?  
phoebe (to rosa): well, we sure know how to create a confusion.  
[rosa gives her a fist and they fist bump adorably. charles and joey swoon at how happy their best friends are with each other]  
[now, while jake, chandler and the other guys were talking on the couch, monica gathered the girls at the coffee counter]  
monica: i just thought that if we came here we will be able to have a good girl talk.  
phoebe: (her signature) oh no.  
monica: (ignores her) so, uh, rosa tell us about yourself.  
[rosa hesitates]  
phoebe: oh my god, mon. always those same questions. i love that we don’t know every single thing about each other. so please not this again.  
monica: okay, chills pheebs.  
[awkward silence]  
rachel: (desperately trying to normalize the conversation) so how did y’all meet?  
rosa: oh well. i was hanging out at a bar with these guys and i stayed a little while after they left and i saw phoebe walk in and i realized i couldn’t take my eyes off of her.  
phoebe : (giddy happy) i’m pretty.  
rosa: (smiles at her)  
[monica and rachel look at phoebe, confused]  
phoebe: it was leslie.  
monica and rachel: ohhhhhh.  
phoebe: we were just kind of talking about music and rosa swept me off my feet  
-flashbacks-  
rosa walks up to the bartender and at the same time phoebe does too.  
rosa and phoebe, at the same time (to the bartender): a dirty margarita.  
rosa: tomorrow, 8:30?  
phoebe: moonlight queen café?  
rosa: dope.  
-flashback over-  
phoebe: wasn’t that romantic?  
[gina makes a dramatic, late entrance]  
gina: (teary eyed)it was everything!  
(monica and rachel are confused)  
phoebe: that’s Gina. she’s the human version of the 100 emoji.  
Gina: um, i like her.  
Phoebe: hee -hee.  
Rosa(to Gina): so, how come you’re so late?  
Gina: i was at the dance recital but it was cut short because the singer got sick or something. i really don’t pay attention wen people aren’t talking about me.  
Gina : Phoebe, you sung so well, that day. Come and do the recital with us.  
Phoebe: I’m not busy.  
Gina: Let’s head on over there! it’s at Shaw’s!


	3. Emojis say more than words

[now there are two tables, one with the guys and the other with the gals,around the the guys’ table, ross and holt get indulged in a discussion.]  
ross: so what i’m saying is that rock 6682 and 5178 are the ones which are the best.  
[chandler mimics his head is exploding; jake snickers]  
holt: no. i don’t accept that. 69 is the best one yet.  
joey and jake in unison: joey: that’s what she said jake: title of your sex tape.  
[chandler laughs, joey doesn’t understand]  
chandler: wait for it  
joey: (takes some time and then it hits him) ohhhhh (laughs).  
[jake and rosa look at this and even at different places, they roll eyes at him at the same time, such an amazing friendship, wouldn’t you say]  
[now, jake and rosa both get up from their tables to get more drinks for their table while all of them wait for phoebe to set up her instruments and gina to dance.]  
jake: so how’s it going?  
rosa: ugh, could be better. we have an Amy.  
jake: oh yeah, Chandler’s wife? i know.  
rosa: and oh the other girl, she doesn’t talk. she just stands and nods. i think she’s scared of me. i like her.  
how’re you doing?  
jake: well, chan is really awesome and we have a lot in common and i think we are gonna hang sometime and he even loves Die hard and-  
rosa: jaakkkeee.  
jake: oh yeah ok. so, joey kinda doesn’t know what he’s talking about but charles seems to be handling him and terry really well.   
[they look at joey, charles and terry and still the food blog interview was going on, terry was upset.  
Terry: Terry wants to be included?  
Chandler: so you always talk in the third person or is today a day you really need to give yourself “name assurance.  
[Terry frowns.]  
jake and rosa look at this, smile and jake continues:oh also holt and ross are in a very deep discussion about-hold on to your hats-  
jake and rosa(together): rocks.  
jake: (surprised) how did you know that?  
rosa: uh, yeah. pheebs told me ross was into the rock, evolution stuff so i knew they’d get along.  
jake: woah. you paying actual attention to all these details on a date? you must really like her.  
rosa: yeah, i really do. she’s so amazing, and everything mysterious about her is so awesome. all the other dates i go to have the same kinds of stories. but she’s so .. (comes out of a trans and sees jake looking at her so happy)  
rosa: you tell this to anyone, i slit your throat.  
jake: (scared) copy that.  
[jake still has that idiotic happy smile on his face bc he knows that rosa has found something real. rosa makes him stop day dreaming and motions him to get back to his table]  
rosa: (to her table ;gets drinks) so i’m back.  
phoebe: so me and gina have to get ready to play.   
ross (from the other table) and amy: it’s actually gina and i  
phoebe: and sometimes it’s (motions the fist bump which is the equivalent of the finger; somehow even amy gets what that means)  
(rosa smiles at phoebe’s comeback)  
phoebe: (to rosa)so i’ll see you from up there? (smiles)  
rosa: sure. (kisses her)  
[both the tables aww at this; rosa gets embarrassed but still wishes a sweet good luck in phoebe’s ear]  
[when rosa sits back down she sees that amy and monica are whispering something and rachel wants to say something but keeps getting interrupted by either one of them]  
rosa: what’s going on?  
amy: [quickly] nur-thing.  
[rosa takes amy’s face in her one hand]  
amy: we were just planning your imaginary wedding.  
monica: we will have flowers around the place.  
amy: lillies, not roses.  
monica: duh.  
[rosa just groans loudly, but chooses to ignore them when phoebe and gina are up on the stage]  
rachel: (super excited)look who’s on the stage.  
rosa: yeah, chill. we see her. (though, she too is super excited for phoebe)  
[gina introduces phoebe, there are claps and woots but when she says that one of her best known songs are smelly cat, the wooting stops, rosa woots significantly; she admits that she’s a little drunk]  
[all in all, phoebe’s distinctive songs and gina eccentric dances paired up really well and they put up a good show; both of them come back from the stage]  
jake and chandler: phoebe buffay and gina linetti, ladies and gentlemen.  
[there was a big round of applause]  
amy: you guys were amazing.  
phoebe: thank you, amy.  
phoebe and gina: we know, though.  
[holt stands up and tells them that it’s already past 2am and that they all have jobs tomorrow; they all prepare to get up and leave except, monica, chandler, ross, rachel, phoebe and joey and the squad looks confused]  
(to save face, chandler says): oh yeah, we have important jobs tomorrow too. (they get up to leave)  
[jake and amy don’t get up and the rest of them look confused]  
jake: oh, not us. we both are on leave tomorrow.  
charles: oh, what’s wrong?  
jake: well, there’s an error in our marriage certificate and-  
amy: but as a notary representative, i know it’s not that big of an error. but he won’t listen to me.  
charles: what’s the error?  
jake: they didn’t add santiago to mine but they added peralta to amy’s name.  
(everyone smiles and leaves)  
[jake and amy sit down again and grab a beer]  
jake: so what do you think about rosa’s new bae?  
amy: oh yeah about that she claims to kill the next person who calls phoebe her “bae”  
jake: well, they are each other’s bae’s.  
(exactly, at that time jake’s phone buzzes. it’s rosa’s text.)  
rosa’s text: don’t call phoebe my bae.  
jake(to amy): well. rosa is into the dark arts. anyway so what do you think?  
amy: she’s good and seems to make rosa so happy.  
jake: i know. they’re my otp.  
of course, after us.  
(amy smiles)  
jake: so do you wanna know why rosa made us meet her girlfriend on her own?  
amy: yeah, she wouldn’t have wanted to meet phoebe’s friends alone so yeah.  
jake: (disappointed that he didn’t get to answer) ok but do you know how charles was so confident that rosa was dating someone?  
amy: yes, now that’s a question i actually need an answer to.  
jake: (happy) yeah, thought so. so when we got up to get drinks, rosa told me.  
remember that day she sent the “typo” on the 99 group?   
(amy is confused)  
-flashbacks to when rosa and jake got drinks-  
jake: but how did he know you were dating someone?  
rosa: (kinda smiling embarrassedly) you remember that typo i made on the 99 text chain?  
well, that wasn’t exactly an error. i just sent it to the wrong person.  
jake: but it was just one emoji and i- (it stuck him) ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.  
rosa: yeah.  
-flashback over-  
amy: ohhhhhhhhhh.  
(we zoom in to jake’s phone see the mistaken text)  
“rosa: 💆🏻 “  
jake continues: apparently, rosa agrees with charles that washing your lover’s hair is the most romantic thing one can do.  
(jake’s phone beeps again: rosa’s text: you dare tell anyone, but amy, what that text meant.  
jake: OK, BUT HOW IS SHE DOING THIS?!


End file.
